Sorry, there will be no posts for a while... family bereavement.
Posts archive for: February, 2008
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Overcoming some Negativity.
@ 12. Feb 2008 – 00:09:24
Recently I've been feeling, well, larger.
I started noticing more mass around my face, my chin, or at least I though I did. My upper body felt thick and bulky, and the flesh from my underarms down to the middle of my ribcage seemed too bulky to me.
The truth is, my body isn't any larger. In fact, if the sudden loosening of my trousers is any clue then my regular weight-lifting has shrunk me, made me more compact. However, my bras are starting to give way under the strain from my awesome chest again, giving me an odd shape, and I recently saw a couple of very unflattering pictures taken of me by a relative, which they- for some bizarre reason- thought I would be happy to see on the interweb.
Don't get me wrong, I'm improving. I can look in the mirror now, when clothed or at least in underwear, and not hate my body. I can even have a photo taken of me, and if allowed to be picky will let people see the better ones. But a side-profile of me leaning forward with my stomach smooshed by my hunched back, looking down so far that the fat under my chin is also smooshed? While wearing an unsupportive bra? With my hideous nub of a nose visible in all it's characterless glory?
Thanks Sis!
Fortunately, my favourite FA blog (that's Fat Acceptance for those of you who don't know) has had some pretty uplifting articles on recently, which helped get me out of that negative mindset. It's too easy to fall back into that trap, that cycleof purging, starving, giving in, and putting off the good things in life that make me truly healthy and happy, so I'm going to use today's entry to be a self-indulgent narcissist. I am going to say nice things about me. Feel free to stop reading if it gets boring!
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I am strong. I come from a good mix of genes, but all of my ancestors were of hardy stock. Short, stocky, and strong. My arms and legs are powerful tools. I can climb steep inclines with my thighs, and can kick like a horse. I can lift great weights, supporting my friends. My back may be damaged, but it is still strong and sturdy, and built for carrying. I can carry my friends, great loads of shopping and lumber. I am sturdy. The local weather has included gale-force winds, and my slim work-mates have to hang onto me when we walk from the main office to the canteen at lunch. They squeal and giggle, losing their footing and leaning into me, arms wrapped tightly around my thick biceps. I carry on steadily, supporting them all.
I have a good, hard head and jaw; thick bones. I have never broken a bone in my life, though I've been through many a situation that could break a bone, and I attribute this to the great strength and thickness of the bones that support my body.
I am warm, like a furnace. In the freezing depths of Winter, on frosty Spring mornings and damn Autumn evenings, I feel comfortable and warm outside. I can walk fo miles in cold, blustery weather without catching a chill. My loved ones and my cats all huddle up to me on cold days, because I put out so much heat. My warmth allows me to enjoy a bracing wind and be refreshed when there is a bite to the air, instead of cowering in the stuffy indoors.
I am soft, as well, which allows me to provide a comfortable cushion, and comforting arms when I am needed. When I embrace a distressed or upset loved one, they feel warm and safe, comforted and protected. Though I am, overall, much smaller than my friends (I am short and, though stocky, short-of-limb and am dwarfed by my taller counterparts) I seem large and protective to them.
I have very archetypal features for my heritage. White-blonde hair, and with that a fine downy fluff covering my body. My face is downy and soft, as is my neck, my limbs, stomach and all of my body. I love to stroke the soft hairs on my cheeks. My hair is thick, and falls in loose, messy curls. It is glossy, yet fluffy, and takes dyes and shaping easily. It frames my face and shoulders gorgeously.
I am womanly and fertile. Large breasts and generous hips, with a libido to match. I am passionate about everything I turn my hand to.
I scar easily, but stop bleeding quickly, and my body is resistant to physical damage. My pain threshhold is very high.
In short, I am a warrior. My body is built for protecting, for fighting, for strength and durability. I can wield a heavy axe or a hammer with dexterity, and will spiral into a berzerker rage when those I care for are in distress or danger.
I am fiercely intelligent. My wit is sharp and my thoughts run at great speed. I learn new skills, whether mental or physical, very quickly and can master anything I turn my hand to. I am quiet, very quiet, but when I do speak my words are significant. The words I do not speak in public, I put in here.
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I cannot yet tell myself that I am beautiful, cute, or pretty. But I am growing stronger every day.
I will have moments of weakness, times when I hate myself, want to punish myself with starvation or self-harm. I will doubt myself. But I will grow stronger from that.
One day, I will like the way I look in photos. Even ones taken from an unflattering angle.
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Whenever you feel weak, like you hate yourself, whenever you feel guilty.
Make a list like this. Ignore the things you hate and focus on everything else. In time, those things you hate so much will disappear, and you will see only beauty.
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Fatphobia in the UK
@ 05. Feb 2008 – 19:15:48
Recently I've been reading a lot about the recent potential crazy ideas of Gordon Brown that he may want to limit or deny access to NHS care for smokers, drinkers and the obese, and I was shocked.
The idea is ridiculous and unfair. After all, these smokers, drinkers and obese people all pay their NI tax each month, as part of the pool of money to help the whole country. If such people are to be denied healthcare, will they be permitted to opt out of that particular part of tax?
Thought not.
Unfortunately, this has resulted in me feeling as though I have to defend the NHS when engaging in discussions with people online, especially Americans. We debate the private vs public healthcare systems and their benefits and failings, and suddenly I find myself having to defend our institutions against accusations of discrimination, and to try and explain that the matter really isn't as bad as people think.
It is embarrassing to find oneself unable to defend an institution one is proud of.
This evening, I started doing a little research, and found Gordon Brown's NHS speech. Take a look at that. Personally, I can't see anything in that speech that makes me think that obese people, smokers or drinkers are going to be denied healthcare. Gordon Brown talks about taking responsibility and caring for oneself, and the examples he offers are a far cry from the scary ideas I have heard put forth. The speech mentions a patient monitoring their own BP and cholesterol at home, and feeding the results to their doctor. The doctor still provides care, but the patient is able to alleviate the need to long stretches in the waiting room, afternoons taken off from work for what should only take a few minutes. This sounds like a boon to me, not a problem. Gordon Brown also mentionsa focus on preventative, rather than curative, care. Another positive step.
I disagree with the lumping together of overweight people with smokers and drinkers, as I do not agree that obesity is a personal choice in the majority of cases. Genetics plays a part, as does the cost of healthsome food, and the long-term effects of dieting on one's metabolism.
Besides, in all the scare articles Ihave read about the subject, the public response has been overwhelmingly against the idea. Us English are an unhealthy lot. We all drink too much and smoke too much, and I would say most of us are "overweight" as it is currentl defined. The voters would never stand for such a ludicrous proposition, and the Houseof Lords would certainly veto it.
Some things of concern have been ongoing recently, such as the tendency for hospitals to deny joint replacements to people with obesity, but this is part of a central issue with the current popularity of obesity being seen as the next big killer. And this is an issue which can be tackled better without people panicking over the healthcare itself.
I'm certainly not theleast critical person when it comes to my country;s healthcare, but I'll take it over the US system of private care any day. Especially on my income.
*NOTE* If anyone can link to articles with direct quotes or with linked source information showing that a proposal to ban the obese from healthcare is true, please do link me to it.