Random Rants from an Insane Butch Bunny

I have decided that it is time for me to start lifting weights and the like again. I do exercise when I can; walking to and from work, taking the stairs, maintaining constant speed as I go from flat surfaces to uphill, etc, but things have slipped of late. This isn't some crappy new years thing. It's just that we only moved into the new place recently and finally we have MORE THAN 2 ROOMS in which to arrange our lives, which means I actually have... DUN DUN DUN!!! Space to exercise at home! And the lovely exertion of moving ALL MY BLEEDING FURNITURE BY HAND reminded me how much I miss straining myself, although the persistent back pain and locking neck and hip joint is a bit of a downer...

I had to sell my handheld weights a couple of years ago, and went from active, physical work that involved lots of walking and/or heavy lifting, to office work.

I want to fit exercise in whenever I can, but have a couple of minor issues.

1- I still don't own a sports bra. Being a FF-G cup means spending anything from £40 upwards on a sports bra, which is a lot of money for me. This does mean, unfortunately, that my chest bounces a lot and becomes painful, gets in the way and interrupts my breathing during certain exercises. This rules out running, skipping, badminton, football, tennis, rugby or hockey (all games I love playing) until I get some spare cash- and righ tnow, that doesn't look likely.

2- I can't afford to replace my weights, just yet. I'll only be wanting a small set of handheld weights anyway, max weight 10lb per weight, but right now that isn't possible, so I'm going to have to improvise. This is a shame, as I really miss training with weights (admittedly I never exactly because buff, but I loved the burning sensation in my muscles).

3- There are no- literally no- sports clubs within 30 minutes of walking and I can't afford to bus it. There are gyms, but I can't afford to go for one and hate feeling like all the buff little exercise bunnies are staring at my flabby arse.

4- All my friends are lazy and have no interest in exercising.

So.

For now I need just some low-impact aerobics exercises, movements and things that I can work on and incorporate into my more weight-trainy-type exercises later on. I really want a variety of different exercises to keep me motivated- any ideas?

Any exercises you enjoy doing, or have done and found physically taxing but not so much that you were put off doing it...

Aaaaand I'm back.

Sorry for the long silence- I've been trying to get the internet reconnected since moving house and it came up juuuuust this morning.

Will write something more, I dunno, interesting or something once I've had time ot catch up on stuff.

I tried out a little experiment recently and it worked well, so here it is for your enjoyment.

Caramelised Red Onion Chutney

half a dozen red onions
2 bottles red wine vinegar
lots of golden unrefined sugar

1- top-and-tail the onions, peel them, then halve them.
2- slice the onions width-ways.
3- place onions in a pan over a high heat.  The onions should completely cover the base of the pan to a depth of at least 1inch.
4- add a little sugar the the onions, enough that after stirring each piece has a very slight coating- continue to heat and stir as the sugar bubbles and the onions turn translucent.
4- before the onions start to brown off, add the vinegar; just enough to cover them.
5- turn down the heat, add about a cup of sugar, stirring continuously.
6- continue to stir, adding a little more vinegar if the chutney becomes too dry.
7- once the chutney is thick and gloopy, spoon into sterilised jars, seal and store for at least 1 month, preferably 6 weeks or more, before eating.

YUM!

My friend, G, is a wonderful woman.  She's funny, intelligent, cute, fun, and stunningly beautiful in a completely unique and personal way.  She also has some deep-seated body issues, and cannot see herself as the lovely and adored person that she is.

As an example.  I am, as you know, somewhat large.  I'm a big girl at a UK size 14, with oversized and out-of-proportion FF breasts.  G is a size 12, with c-cup breasts and a rear end that makes grown men weep.  We're both about the same height, except that I have the appearance of a 6-foot-tall slim person who has been smooshed and G looks like Bettie Paige with a little extra to love.

All that is inconsequential.  I simply want to illustrate the differences and similarities in our figures so that SOME of the next bit will make sense.

G had a hard time growing up.  Her father was an abusive and violent arse-hat and her mother, whilst a wonderful woman, was bullimic and possibly (probably) had body dysmorphia.  G hates her body.  In her own mind, her breasts are too msall, her arse too large and her stomach too flabby.  In her own mind, she is too fat or, as she says it, not skinny enough.  She will, when upset, equate "not skinny enough" with "not good enough".  G struggles to maintain a healthy lifestyle and to get down to a size that she feels content with.  She knows how easy it is to slip into ED thanks to her mother, but also suffers from the temptation to let that happen because of her food addiction which, when she decides to treat herself, leaves her feelig guilty for being too weak to starve herself thin.  She also suffers fromd epression and has had periods when she's been off of work longterm due to panic attacks and other issues.  G is a lovely but delicat ewoman and I want to ensure that the stimulus I provide will only help her.

I sympathise with G.  I kind-of know where she is coming from.  Whilst I have been fortunate enough to have not suffered as she has, I have had body issues and weigt issues throughout my life, and have only recently come to accept, if not like, my body.

I want to help my friend.  If I can't teach her to love herself, I want her to at least accept herself as she is and recognise that her own value as a person has nothing to do with her external appearance.  But I don't know how.  My own learning process towards acceptance has been somewhat unconventional and, in addition, is nowhere near done.

I fidn that reading fat acceptance blogs and websites helps me a lot, as the storeis and information provided helps me keep a sense of balance and proportion towards the often ridiculous level of self-hatred I can engage in.  However, I am somewhat dubious about sending my friend to a site that labels itself as "for fat acceptance" when she is concerned that she is fat.  I don't want her to misinterpret this, which she could easily do.

I can't even give my frienda hig when she cries because... my chest is ridiculously expansive, and I'm quite awarethat it might not be terribly comforting, when you feel bad about having small-average breasts, to have your face pressed into a pale acre of cleavage.

Basically, here is what I would really like.

I would love for any people here who have suffered with similar issues to comment on your own experiences.  What helped to get away from this mindset?  What hindered?  How long did it take and what sort of support could I give without a- scaring my friend off or b- leaving her dependant on me and others for constant propping-up?

Please help me.  I really care about G, and she deserves to be able to love herself as much as everybody ele loves her.