First off, I realise that these points have already been made, very eloquently, elsewhere.
However, I am still somewhat in the "angry" stage that comes after the realisation of just how fucked-over my gender is at times. Therefore, as I learn new things that make me angry, I feel the need to rant about them, and doing it on here is far better than ranting at my long-suffering partner for hours on end. Finally, it's my blog, so ner-nee-ner-nee-ner-ner.
The title of this entry is a phrase that will always, always appear in the comments of any blog post about feminism. Write about the horrors of FGM and how it's good news that Egypt are taking a stance against it, and you will be told that "men get circumcised too". Refer to the objectification of women in comics and you will hear "but men are drawn unrealistically as well". Write about the fear of being raped/assaulted that so many women have to live with, and someone will feel the need to remind you that "men ge raped, too". Blog against the alarming frequency with which female comic book characters are permanently maimed/killed off/made comatose/lose thier powers and some one will remind you that "some male characters have died/been maimed in comics, too". Write an eloquent post about the inherent racism involved in the treatment of non-white female comics characters, and some one will still find a way to sneak in a point about white men being mistreated, too. Discuss abortion rights, and some one will say "but what if the father wants to keep the child?".
Well, yes. This is all true. But thit does, somewhat, miss the point.
When a woman writes about FGM (female genital mutilation, to those lucky people who haven't heard of this before), she already knows that men get circumcised. She already knows that many men who are circumcised are unhappy about it, feel violated by it and wish they could go back in time and stop their parents doing it to them. But this woman is not saying "only women bleed; in their crotches", nor is she saying "I don't care about men's feelings".
And when the comments are filled with people saying "you can't ignore men's rights, too, because men get circumcised and some of us don't like that", quite often any intelligent debate about FGM itself is turned into an argument between two sides; one arguing that FGM and circumcision are the same, and that men suffer too, and the other arguing that FGM and circumcision are similar, but differ in terms of the damage they do. This has the effect of derailing the blogger's attempt to stimulate debate about the subject they care about, by turning it into yet another case of "but what about teh MENZ".
Another example is comics and the way they are drawn. Every one knows that Superman's torso is ridiculously outsized. No man, short of a steroid-junkie, has upper arms and thighs as thick as tree trunks, pecs larger than bedroom pillows and a constantly-tensed washboard stomach. No man has a head that small on top of a body that large.
However...
The image portrayed isn't a woman's idealised man. It's not sexy and gratuitous eye-candy for the titillation of women. Most women don't like muscles that unnaturaly large. The image portrayed is based on a male preference. The "I want to be like this" fantasy. It is strong, powerful, brave, masculine. The image is an exxagerated version of what little Timmy is supposed to want to be when he grows up.
Women characters are not an exxagerated version of what little Suzie wants to be when she grows up. Veyr few girls or women look at a GG-cup, balloon-breasted, rubber-pouting, thunder-thighed woman with barbie-doll hair and no internal organs whatsoever and think "gosh, I want to grow up to be like her!". We might admire the strength and courage the character portrays in her actions (depending on the writer; some writers habitually turn strong female characters into weaklings or corpses), but her physical image is designed purely and simply to titillate men.
That's not to say that the archetypal male superhero is a purely healthy image for young boys, however. I personally would welcome a greater variety in bodytypes for positive male characters (we get fat villains, but how often do you see a hero with middle-aged spread? Or a bald patch? Or skinny legs?). But women are fighting a double-battle.
It's not just about the unrealistic image, it's about the sex. It's about the sex making the unrealistic even more unreal, until I cannot suspend any more of my disbelief.
Consider this image, for example.
You know what? Yes. Sometimes, after a long day at work, I strip off when get in. However comfortable my work clothes are when I put them on, by 6pm my tights are making me sweaty, my bra will be itchy and my heels will be making my feet hurt. It's nice to strip off, and maybe have a nice alcoholic drink to wind down with. But why would I want to strip down, while keeping on my itchy lace underwear and exchange one pair of foot-hurting heels for a pair of slightly fluffier ones? And why would I walk around my flat pouting and preening? No; see me either in the buff totally or slobbing it in my jammies, either no undies or comfy, plain cotton ones, slobbed out on the sofa, legs akimbo like I'm about to give birth and a glass of wine in one hand.
It's not just the freakishly long legs, invisible-corset-shaped stomach or the lack of even a single ounce of badly-placed body fat. It's the fact that this female character, whom I want to identify with in order to better understand her motivations and enjoy the comic more, is alone in her large-windowed apartment, lights a-blazing, doing a sexy striptease at the end of a long day of work for the benefit of thin air. The fact that, in the real world, women are encouraged to portray an attractive and desirable image to the public, but in comics they aren't even allowed to slob out alone in their own homes. I can't imagine myself doing what Vicki Lane is doing here, unless I'd had a bottle and a half of wine and was playing dress-up, and then I damn well wouldn't be sexily prancing aout whilst monologuing. I'd be giggling, falling on my arse and singing along very badly to my radio.
If male comics characters were designed to be sexy they'd wear less, have prettier faces and their crotches would not be remeniscient of Ken dolls. So yes, men are objectified too, but in a different way, and since comics are usually written from a male perspective, the male characters are unlikely to do something gratuitous that makes no sense to other men. When was the last time you saw Batman wandering about his mansion in tight, black boxers, flexing his butt-cheeks in front of a roaring fire whilst pouting and fantasizing out loud about catwoman?
But yes,
I concede that all people, of all genders and races, are objectified, stereotyped, and expected to live up to unrealistic expectations. All genders are given these unattainable images of perfection and told to strive for them. We all experience violence, ignorance, sexism, racism of some sort. And I will happily stand up for the rights of men as well.
But when a woman feels the need to speak up against something that effects women, please don't try to turn it into yet another thing for men. The whole world is designed for men, and everything is always about them. All the images of perfect men in the world are designed for men to aim for, for men to admire. The images of perfect women are designed for men to want to own, for men to desire.
As if we don't already have to fight for our voices to be heard and acknowledged.
